


phantom limb

by ThanksForListening



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F, pre 4x01, shaw centric, shaw misses root but can't admit it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:06:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21807919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThanksForListening/pseuds/ThanksForListening
Summary: "The first day without Root, Shaw was fine."takes place before/during 4x01. shaw centric, but most of it is shaw thinking of root.
Relationships: Root | Samantha Groves/Sameen Shaw
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	phantom limb

**Author's Note:**

> im back from the hell that is finals and ive got a handful of fics that i wrote a while ago and never published. here's one of them. ive got a sort of companion piece in the process but i have to keep rewatching before i can finish that one.

The first day without Root, Shaw was fine. 

She found her apartment, a hole in the wall not too unlike her old place. She spent the day studying, figuring out everything she could about her new identity. She hated her already, this stylist she had to become for who knew how long. She hated the clothes she found in her closet, the makeup she realized she’d be expected to wear every day, the name tag taunting her from the top of her dresser. That night she put on the tv, let it drown out the sounds of the city as she began waiting for whatever came after this. She didn’t think about Root, or John, or Finch, or even Fusco; the most she allowed herself to dwell on was the annoyance at the fact that she hadn’t ended up with Bear (although, if she’d been thinking about Finch — which she wasn’t — she’d have had the tiniest weight lifted at the thought of Bear protecting him, the only one of them who couldn’t protect themselves). 

~

On the second day without Root, things got harder. 

She blamed work. It made her mad, how many things in the cosmetics department reminded her of Root. The black nail polish. The perfume. The brunette woman working at the makeup counter next to her, who from behind could almost trick her mind into believing her life was not what it had become. At night she watched herself walk away from Root over and over again, and in the morning she ran to forget that it wasn’t just a dream. 

~

On the seventh day without Root, Shaw couldn’t handle the silence anymore. 

She’d never once minded the quiet. She’d spent years watching it drive people mad. Everyone in the world was desperate to avoid having to listen to their own thoughts, it seemed, and the only thing worse was having nothing to listen to at all. Before, Shaw used to relish in silence. As a kid, people thought she was spaced out when they’d find her staring blankly at them, but even then she’d always been present, always aware. Just quiet. It made her feel strong, knowing that she had nothing distracting her, that she’d be ready for anything. She’d spent a lifetime waiting, prepared for whatever might come her way. Everything was different now. She didn’t know when she’d gotten used to it, the voices in her head. One voice in particular, interrupting her silence at any hour of any day. Her body must have come to expect it without her realizing, because now she felt its absence like an amputee, Root’s voice a phantom limb that she kept forgetting didn’t exist anymore. 

~

On the eleventh day without Root, Shaw swore she heard her. 

Admittedly, she had not been excelling at her cover job. Her patience for customers had been thin to begin with, and after a week and a half it was nonexistent. She was standing behind the counter, waiting for something to happen — a couple to fight, a baby to cry, hell, even an old man falling; she’d take anything at this point. It was while she was lost in thought that she heard it — a whisper, barely even there, but clear as day: _stay focused, Sameen_. She turned around, surveyed every inch of her area, but she was nowhere to be found, and Shaw spent the rest of the day on edge, looking over her shoulder, listening for ghosts. 

~

On the sixteenth day without Root, Shaw went for a run. 

She’d been running more often now. She told herself it was to keep her body in shape, prepare for the war without blowing her cover, but she couldn’t ignore that running seemed to be the only thing that let her clear her head. The cold New York air reminded her of stakeouts, hours spent on roofs, staring down at whatever loser they had to save next. She ran a path that led her by a statue, the one that still made her think _impact_. Every time she passed by a payphone, a small part of her waited for it to ring, even though she suspected that if it did, she’d have to let it go. Even so, she still chose the path that led her by as many as she could. Just in case. 

~

On the 29th day without Root, Shaw wondered if she was dead. Wondered if she’d even know when it happened. If it happened. How it happened. Whether The Machine would be able to protect her. If she’d contact Shaw, or if Root’s life would be deemed unworthy by her own God. Whether Root would be seen as a necessary sacrifice for the greater good. Whether she’d be alone when it happened, with no one to hold her hand and look her in the eyes as she took her last breath.

She ran twice that day. 

~

On the thirty-second day without Root, a woman in a blue dress sat at her station. 

She almost didn’t believe it. Her eyes had been playing tricks on her for weeks, with Roots showing up in places she could never be, _would_ never be. Even as she walked over, part of her expected to blink and see a different face, a stranger in place of whatever it was Root was to her — a friend? A teammate? She wasn’t sure, and she didn’t care. What mattered was that she was here, taunting her with lipstick and flirting as if the world wasn’t inches away from a catastrophic clash between two AIs. What mattered was that Shaw couldn’t find a scar or bruise on Root that wasn’t there before. What mattered was that she was here, and she was alive. That mattered; nothing else. 

~

On the first day without Root, Shaw woke up with a smile. There was work to be done.

**Author's Note:**

> im actually not super happy with this but i can't figure out what to fix and it's only going to drive me insane so i hope you all liked it. if you did let me know pls. trying a different fic format and my root centric piece that i'll hopefully finish soon is kinda formatted the same way so i might post that as a chapter 2 to this or it's own piece we'll see. 
> 
> as always, hit me up on tumblr if you want @Thanks--For--Listening. also if anyone ever wants to send me prompts???? i would die. that would be cool. im not always the most creative so if u have a story u want i can make an attempt at writing it lol ok bye.


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